When life doesn’t give you roses

Depression Awareness Week

Seeing as it is Depression Awareness Week I thought I would write this post a little different. I thought I would begin being more open about me, my life and my struggles. After all my life isn’t all roses and I don’t want to lie to you and make you think that it is.

The truth is. Being an adult is hard. Life is hard.

The past five years of my life have been a complete rollercoaster, I was loving life at university in Nottingham when suddenly something changed, I became depressed.

I’ll explain, in brief.

Moved to university, lived with incredible people, my relationship from home broke down, I did three years at university (with minor relationships), I broke my elbow in three places (DON’T ASK), several operations later I somehow managed to graduate, moved back home, went travelling, came back, managed to get a job, moved to Cambridge for said job, left said job, moved to Milton Keynes, and the rest as they say is history.

And in those five years I suffered depression.

It was about the time I started university, broke up with my boyfriend at the time and moved away from home. At the time I felt like there no catalyst but looking back now, my whole life and been turned upside down. I had started a new chapter and did not know where I did belong.

I was lucky to have incredible friendships surrounding me from day one, even after knowing my best friends at university for only months they were my rocks (shout out to the gals: Katie, Amy, Grace, Hannah, Jade, Melissa). And of course as things do, everything came at once. Alongside my depression I also began getting anxiety attacks (or panic attacks) which destroyed me. Both in my confidence and ability.

I was scared, I didn’t want to leave my flat, I didn’t want to go to lectures, I didn’t want to party and most of all I didn’t want to see friends. I wanted to leave university, which for me was a big thing that I had continually aimed for throughout my sixth form years.

But as all things, I got help. I signed up to CBT help at my university doctors, I was offered drugs (which I turned down as I was determined to try and do it by myself) and I joined social events in order to gain back control of my own life which had been overwhelmed by this anonymous fear. A fear that to this day I still don’t quite understand.

Fast forward four years, I am now working, I have travelled and I have a wonderful boyfriend. But that doesn’t mean life is in any way easy. I cry a lot, I have anxiety attacks at the most random points in my day, I have days where I don’t want to leave the house, and I feel like shit on the floor. But you have good days and sometimes you have bad days.

But travel helped me get through all this shit, travel lets you see the world, it lets you see another way of life, its lets you step outside your bubble and it teaches you no one, I mean no one is perfect.

Every time I travel I feel free, even now knowing I need to go back to work on Monday. Travel can transform you, it can make you look at yourself in a different light, it can help you be kinder to yourself, and it can build you back up. If it hadn’t gone on that trip to South East Asia back in 2013 I don’t know where I would be today and I would never have got back to me.

So my advice is, if you are feeling low, suffer from anxiety or are depressed – go easy on yourself. Give yourself time. Let yourself find you.

Being an adult is bloody tough, but keep at it and you’ll do just fine.


PS. Please tweet me, I’d love to hear from you about your experiences, and struggles being an adult on a daily basis.

Read more about Depression Awareness Week here.